There are some days or periods of time I feel like I am snorkeling through the shallows…just enough water over my head to drown if I'm not careful. The past month or so has been like this and I don't think it will end any time soon. I don't know if it is me, my fibro, depression, or if everything is this difficult for most people. As I get older, I know my anxieties get worse. I know I go through good and bad days/periods with my fibro and depression. It confounds me that most people don't seem to have a problem managing work, home, mother and social duties, but I do. I try to take each task and each day |
one by one…but I just can't help thinking about everything else that I have/want to do. Sometimes the list goes on so long that I forget what's on it. I am constantly reminded of the tasks that lay ahead of me…they are all around me, all the time. I never get to escape or have 'down time'. And even if I do, I can't help feeling I am wasting time and I should be productive. This all make me feel quite defeated most of the time. I keep saying to myself; "as soon as I get this done…." but there is always more sneaking on the back of the list all the time. Then there is the list of 'hobbies' or other projects that do not impact anything, they are just out there in limbo, and are things I'd really like to do, but I just don't think I will ever get the time. Maybe someday it will get easier and I will have the time. Hopefully, I will still have the desire and ability.